Hello

Thought I would just pop by and post a quick Hello, to prove I am still here.....
We have been so busy over the past month or so.
We have had 2 holidays over three weeks and had a busy cinema week as part of the Free Films for Schools Week. Which the children thoroughly enjoyed.
This week is a mixture of Girlie shopping trips for Angel, poorly sleepy heads and hospital appointments for HRH, general growing up too quickly for ex co-sleeper Pal, and much eating and giggling for squirrelling Luna.

Things are generally calmer at the moment with much less down days and even some happy from from the heart moments too. Apposed to happy on the outside and crumbling on the inside.

The children start seeing the child bereavement services next week. They had an initial assessment at home last week, and the kind lady said, in all the nine years she has done this job, she had not seen children coping so well with the loss of their mom....Big smiles for me...I AM doing the right things then after all ?!?!?!?!?

I didn't expect to have to go through the whole of the illness and death story with her, but can totally understand why it had to happen, but it did catch me off guard..and left me a little raw for a day or two.

I have realised that there is a definite pattern to my grief now, and its that I get a real slump the day before a potential 'bad' day and the actual day is usually 'OK' ?!?!?!?

I have a very close special friendship with a someone who has been a real rock to me this last couple of months and we are in almost constant contact by text message, and she has got me through some of the difficult times. (Thank you if you are reading this)

We have HRH's birthday next Tuesday, then the 1st anniversary of Lynz passing near the end of November. But I am feeling particularly different in mind and soul to the person I was 11 months ago. I have begun to feel quite proud with myself that I have survived and that I no longer have to worry about doing parenting and HE on my own, because I AM doing it alone and HAVE done so for nearly 1 year now....and we are still alive and well....LOL

I have an amazing supportive network of family and friends, many of you reading this, who I would not have got through without, so Thank you. and here's to the next months and years on this journey.
Gosh I didn't intend for that to be as long as it turned out......

'The' Visit.

My Health Visitor arrived to support me during the visited and the children were pleased to see her. We have always had a good relationship with our HV.
The LEA lady (CB) arrived late!! She did apologise that she was running late and that she got a little lost. Easy to do in our estate I can tell you!
The visit went very well. CB was friendly, supportive, non-judgmental and ‘open minded’.
The children said hello to her and then went to play with the play dough which I had put out ready.
Pal wanted me to go and play with him whilst I was talking to CB so the HV joined the children in the kitchen, which I was very grateful for.
CB started by asking what our typical week was like. I explained about the usual HE meetings we attend and spoke about meeting up with others families and any outings we may have planned.
CB asked if I keep a diary, and I explained that I keep a written diary and mentioned the blog. I had previously printed off our ‘typical day’ which I had put on our blog and gave CB a copy. She was very pleased with the examples of activities we do and said it was a nice thing to do.
CB stated that she could see that the children took parts in a variety of activities by what we have out in the living room. (not staged honestly)
She asked if I had examples of what the children have done, and I showed her the work we had on the door, which were some writing exercises related to the Mythological creatures activities we did for the HE group last week. I stressed that I do not have books / sheets of work that I can show as that was not how we worked and she was fine with that. She did comment that Angels writing was typical girlie writing. ( Lots of swirls and love hearts etc lol)
CB spoke about support that was available from the LA, i.e., contact with local He’ers, she has around 150 children on her list who are HE’ed in our area........and access to a local resource library, which I think we will probably use at some point, you can loan topic boxes and resources books etc.
CB was rounding up our meeting after stating that she had NO concerns and was happy that the children were being ‘educated’ at home and she asked if I had any questions or concerns. I said I wanted to speak to her regarding the Badman review. I firstly asked if she was aware of it and she took out a published copy of the review. I ask what her first impressions/ reactions were to it. She basically said she thinks it is ‘unworkable’ and that she had met with Graham Badman on a few occasions. CB suggested that GB had tried too hard to please too many people and he had actually ended up upsetting everyone.....nice comment I think...
She suggested that the recommendations are impossible to implement and cannot see how any government can set them into action. She stated that she only works 2 ½ days per week only at term time, and said that was not enough to do the work that the new recommendations would involve, and there was no way her hours would be increased, I think that is much the same for most LA’s.
There was more said about the review but can’t seem to remember much now.
I did ask about the possibility of HE being moved about in the LA, but she said in the short term it is staying as it is, but there may be some difference in how it is managed. I.e. At the moment it is managed on a city wide basis, but it may be split into ward areas in the future.
CB suggested I send an update of the children progress sometime in June and if possible another home visit will take place next autumn.
So all in all, a positive experience. I’m very pleased with the outcome and at no point did I feel that I was having to justify what we do, or why. Or that the children were being inspected. All of which were some of my fears. CB stayed about 1 ½ hours and the HV stayed for around 2 hours. It was all very informal and positive. Few!!!!!!!!!

Not-Back-To-School-Picnic

Some pictures from out Picnic in Telford Town Park today

Approx 30 adults and 65 Children joined in the bubble blowing.......

Art gallery, nappies and art.

Wow another blog....

Monday

We popped into the City centre on the morning as the children had been asking to go to the Art Gallery.

So off we popped.

On the way I bought a new pair of cycling shoes and a T-shirt that keeps you cool while cycling / walking....

I looked for some training pant thingies for Pal, as he is so near to being ready for 'potty training' (hate that fraze) but the pants were not what I was hoping for. At the moment he is uncomfortable in disposable (eco ones) nappies that I mainly use for night times, but terry / cloth nappies are proving slightly troublesome when we are out of the house. Pal is aware that he is wet, which I know is great for potty training but not when he wants changing all the time. he loves 'using' the loo, but has yet to perform.....When we are out and about he wants to use the toilet, like the others do, which is fine, but the cloth nappies are proving a real pain to put back on when he is standing up...any ideas here??????

We visited the art gallery and children enjoyed all the hands on bits and bobs......Saw some inspiring bits for trying different techniques at home too.

Angel and HRH enjoyed the Georgian room, where the room is decorated in typical style for the period and there are various paintings and sculptures dotted around. There is also a dressing up basket with typical Georgian outfits, which they all liked.

Luna and Pal enjoyed listening to the information points dotted around the rooms, which played music / discussed the pieces of art in each room through a headset system.

In the Pop Art section the children used the PC's to take photographs of themselves and alter their appearance, then email the finished product to thier home account.

I went on a bike ride with my brother in the afternoon whilst my parents had the children. We managed 16 miles, I was totally exhausted when we got back home.

Tuesday

With the impending Autumn Equinox on the 22nd, I thought we could do something arty.

The children did hand prints with paint, on large sheets of paper and once dry we cut them out and made an Autumny tree. The idea is to add to the tree with bits that we find on our outings...ie. acorns, fir cones etc. the children loved the idea...so watch this space...

Completed 'Autumn Tree'

The children then used the remainder of the paint to do 'free paintings' in the garden, again on flip chart sized paper. Pal especially enjoyed painting his own feet and doing foot prints.

Luna and Pal offered to wash the brushes and pots. Pal got VERY wet, but had fun!

Angel spent time on the PC.

HRH did LOTS of K'nex building throughout the day.

All the children made various objects from air drying clay

All children watched more re-runs of Horrible Histories.

Some pics from today

We climbed hills, walked lots, paddling in a stream and generally had a lovely day.

1940s, star wars and a moany day

Saturday

My mom informed me that there was a 1940s event taking place at a park / museum near to where we live. I decided to take the children by myself, which is something that I still don't tend to do that often. The going on my own went very well, it was, thankfully a 'phase' that Pal was going through, when he kept running off everytime I let him out of the pushchair, because he walks really well now, without going off too far infront of us.

The event was interesting but could have been better.

I was surprised by the number of people attending the event that weren't actually part of the event, but turned up in typical 1940s attire..the children thought that was great!

There were plenty of soldiers about and there was a main arena with war time singing, which again the children enjoyed. They also spotted that the man singing the main lead in the songs was the man who came to our HE group to do Victorian songs.....

There were displays of 'typical' 1940 living rooms etc showing decor, media and food available at that time.

There were numerous outdoor displays of 'growing your own' initiatives and soldiers with camping and fighting equipment, however I was most disappointed that many of the people who were dressed up did not offer to tell us more about the items they were sat with, ie the typical equipment that went into a soldiers kit bag etc, the 'soldiers' were sat talking about what they got up to 'out on the town' the night before, and I don't mean in the 1940s. Plenty of missed educational stuff there.

So all in all, what could have been a very informative event didn't turn out that way, and when I asked if Angel and HRH would like to look into that sort of thing in a bit more detail, they both said NO. I cant blame them though, it certainly didn't fill me with enthusiasm...pitty though.

The children did enjoy a lovely play on the park.

Some Pictures from the 1940's event

Sunday

Lynsey's brother visited with 2 out of his 3 girls, which always turns out well. Had a good catch up while my 4 and his middle daughter played happily.

I was due to go on a bike ride with my brother but that was cancelled as he was a little hung over having been out the night before. :-( I was disappointed....I don't get to do much lately and the 3 things I have organised over the past couple of weeks have been cancelled for one reason or another...people keep telling me I need to do something for ME, but they keep getting cancelled....

We went to a local park and the children took their scooters and I took Pal's push along car, which he loves. We fed the manic geese, who get a bit too vicious for our liking, and then had a lovely play on the park. Luna kept getting static shocks from one of the slides, my dad said it was due to the rain coat she was wearing. She took that off and was still put off when continued to be 'shocked', my dad said it was because of the clothes she was wearing and she asked if she should take them off too! I love her innocence........

Back to my parents for Sunday roast and the children slumped in front of Star Wars 3. my brother had lent the series to us, as the children have not seen them, and suffice to say HRH and Pal are loving them...They are continually re-enacting out the fight scenes. Pal has mastered the 'dead' pose, which includes him leaning his head to one side with his tongue out....LOL

Today (Monday )

The day started off really peculiar. Angel and myself ended up having heated 'discussions' about how she had been feeling like a slave????? excuse me????

It turned out, when I asked the children to tidy their bedroom, (which I was doing too, it wasn't like I left them to it) she felt she was the only one doing anything. I do admit that she tends to do more than the others, but she usually just gets on with it. Well today she was rebelling and didn't like the fact that the other 3 were doing minimum to help. HRH and Luna and pretty useless at tiding, I have to admit, they have their moments where they surprise me and do a great job, but today's lack of help coincided with Angels low mood and all Hell broke loose. We had many chats and many tears and even more hugs and things eventually calmed...to the point where Angel helped me prepare dinner, make a cake totally independently (well she actually had Pal helping her, but at nearly 2 he's not much actual help lol.) and then washed up the things she had used for the cake.........I really could help myself when she said she loves helping around the kitchen. I said 'so you didn't feel like a slave then????? naughty I know but........

I digress, anyway, this morning we tided children's room and I hoovered the upstairs rooms.

Once back downstairs the children decided they wanted to do the paper doll colouring activities we picked up from the 1940s event on Saturday. Basically, paper dolls with 2-3 different outfits to colour, they were in typical 1940 style. Children coloured while I did the Tesco shop online :-)

I don't usually restrict PC usage, but as the weather was nice and we all have runny noses etc at the moment I wanted the children to spend some time outside, eventually i managed to persuade them.

HRH wanted to play with the water pistol outside, but none of the other children wanted to get wet, so I suggested we make some targets. We used things from the recycling boxes, ie, milk cartons, water battles, etc. I also suggested writing numbers on the items so that he could work out his score when he hit a certain number of items and the children could take turns to get a high score. The children all took turns but again they disagreed about scores etc....

After finishing the water pistol game Angel was 'bored' so I suggested she drew a picture out doors, so she did. It was a bit rushed and wasn't as good as she can manage but she did what I asked her to do!!!!! That wasn't the idea!!!

Anyway she asked to go on the PC and as Pal was tired and really needed a nap I used the excuse to go indoors and we all watched some TV. I started to feel really tired, headachey, chesty and had a runny nose all day so wanted a rest.

Angel did whizz.com and surprised me at how well she did. She is most encouraged by the website. For every question she answers correctly she gets points and points mean prizes.....she is saving up for a pet tortoise....!!

HRH was intrigued by this and really couldn't wait for his turn...HRH can not wait!! He has a real problem with waiting for anything, so he was finding it difficult.

Once on the PC he managed very well with the fraction questions, although its not something he has done before; he is saving up for snake.!!

Luna used a laptop type activity computer thingy which Angel had a few years ago and Angel decided to put new batteries in today. Luna really loves this kind of thing, so I gave my mom the wink, and she is going to look into getting her a similar one for her B-day. ;-)

Luna did some phonic type activities with my mom for most of the afternoon.

Pal has been very clingy and moany today. He didn't have a nap, even though he had had a bottle of milk and settled on my lap at various points throughout the afternoon, but he refused to go to sleep.

The children are all nicely tucked up in bed now...thank goodness........I'm shattered.

A picture of the sweetcorn we harvested from our garden yesterday :-) very tasty they were too.

new mind????

Yesterday (Wednesday) I spent most of the day feeling guilty for not being able to split myself in enough portions again....I didn't feel that I was getting on top of jobs around the house that need to be done and this meant the children pretty much entertained them selves for the first half of the day. I did try to find some information for the next HE group for each of the children, in between jobs. The next session is about Mythological creatures...a sort of show and tell. Angel wants to do mermaids, HRH Dragons and Luna Unicorns.....but I found it very difficult to find enough information on each...the children can be very impatient at times like this..i did manage to find colouring pages which they all disappeared with, and that gave me five minutes to keep looking for things...didn't manage it though....will keep looking...

Lynsey's mom has been on holiday, so we have been going around her flat on a morning to open up her house, feed her cat and let him out for the day. this had really knocked us back for the day in terms of time to do other stuff, however it was nice to have an excuse to go out of the house at a reasonably early time of the morning. And we walked each day too. Its only 5 minutes around the corner but it was a walk at least.....
Once back home we had lunch and Pal had a nap. I suggested that we did some activities from the newly named 'activity boxes' (used to be called work boxes, that didn't seem to go down well) I sat with Angel whilst she did another Stile work book. It really is too easy for her, but I want to get her used to reading the questions *properly*
HRH finished the book he was 'writing' a couple of weeks ago, i am really very pleased with his persistence to finish it this time. He has wrote and illustrated a book called. Sol and the space dragon. He has decided to do a sequel called Sol and the dragon strike again.....lol...
Luna did another stile board book and was very pleased that she actually finished the whole thing this time. She was very excited to be able to tick it off on her chart.
I then sat with Angel whilst she did some maths from one of her 'work book' type things we picked up from W H Smith a while ago. Her mental arithmetic really confuses me, but she nearly always gets the right answer....she tried to explain how she works things out and it involves a lot of rounding up to the nearest 10 and taking off the extra from the other number. Which I know sounds straight forward now I type it, but it sounds much more complicated, honest, when she is explaining her methods......but as long as she is confidant with it and it works, who am i to judge her. Isn't that what HE is about after all???

Today we were meant to meet friends at a park for a play and a general chat.
but I realised that I would have to get up mega early to enable me to go and feed Little nanny's cat, and do breakfast and make lunch to take with us. So when I woke this morning to horrendous rain and wind I was secretly pleased about it being called off......
Instead we had a lazy morning and eventually went to feed the cat, then back at home the children generally computered and pottered about.
this afternoon I went into town while my parents watched the children so I could start to get a few bits and pieces for Angels birthday in a few weeks. This will of course be her first, with out her mom. I was fine in the shops until I went into a shop that I hadn't been into since Lynsey passing and they were playing a song that really made me wobble for a moment. So a quick exist was made from that shop without any purchases.
I did get the Sylvanian (sp) family she wanted (guinea pig) and a few other little bits. For the main presents this year for all the children I have decided to do it very different and take them individually either on their birthday or the days before or after, to Toys R Us and let them choose what they want. I know its cheating some what, but I really don't know what to get any of them this year. Although Luna is the only one who had a birthday last year without Lynsey, i do feel that its the first for them all. I even feel like Christmas is going to be the first without her this year, although its not. I think, because I was in such a daze for most of the first few months and was very much functioning on autopilot I feel as though the up and coming birthday celebrations (Angel Sept, Pal Oct, HRH Nov and Luna Dec) and Chrsitmas are going to be another set of possible difficult moments.

I spoke to a very good Friend on the telephone last night at some length, about how I'm 'doing' It transpires that I am still very much putting on the brave face and mostly I am worrying A LOT about, well, everything......i have read some very inspirational books about living in the NOW and not planning too much in advance etc and not to dwell on the past...but I find that I have slipped back into the 'thinking too deeply mode' . I am repeatedly beating myself for not being the super human I think I should be.
I am, and have always, worried about what people are thinking....and I know it doesn't matter...but I do....but things have to change.....Lynsey used to have a great take on life. She did what she wanted to do, and if people didn't like it, it was their problem not hers....I am really trying to adopt this mind set. New thought pattern...I am doing what is right for me, at this moment in my life...........

snails, trees and rugs

First of all, thanks for the lovely, encouraging comments on the previous blogs, it really helps. And No I dont always feel like I'm doing a good job.....but thanks for pointing it out..... :-))))

Sunday-
The children decided that since all the butterflies had flown away, they wanted to keep some snails.......so we made them a 'house' and collected a snail each. Angel asked how they were going to tell the difference between the snails, so I suggested painting a blob of different coloured nail polish on the shell of each snail. Angel got carried away and began painting the entire shell of her snail....lol the children have been checking on them several times a day.
Here are some of photos of the setting up of the snail house and the snails themselves...

As my parents are on their holidays at the moment and we usually see them on Sundays, I asked my brother if he and his partner wanted to meet up and do 'something'. So we arranged to meet at a local(ish) park and the children could take their scooters, I took Pal's car that I can push along...
Our new bigger car / bus is great, the children can actually take their scooters and bikes to suitable places to use them.
So happy scooting and playing was had by all. We fed the ducks (and pigeons) and squirrels and had a nice leisurely walk around the park.

Monday
went food shopping in the morning. (I seem to be doing top up shopping every day at the moment...its really ticking me off.....
Angel helped carry the basket around the shop, carry shopping home and put the shopping away once home, all without being asked to do so......its great!!!
I asked the children if they wanted to do some work from their work boxes. Luna and HRH replied with an excited 'Yes' and Angel asked if she could go and read......I know I probably did the wrong thing, but I feel a bit strange sometimes when we are all sat around the table and she takes herself off...so I asked her do something at the table and she could go read when we had finished. I really didn't think i would be offering reading quietly as a reward for her doing other types of work.........I worried so much about her reading ability a year or so ago....I need not have done so.
Angel chose some stile board work, which again was reading, but she got a little annoyed because she got the pattern wrong, which indicates that the anwsers are wrong...I went through the task with her and it appeared that she was over confidant with the questions so she wasn't paying attention to where the tiles needed to go, so although she knew the answers she was rushing through it.....so the activity was totally pointless really......
Luna did the early reader stile book but didn't get on too well because i was focusing on Angel and HRH, so she was unable to properly grasp what was expected of her. She moved on to do some colouring activities from her work box.
HRH did a stile board book too, and he did really well, his reading skills are coming on really well, although he lacks confidence in him self. He managed 6 new pages and said that he found them hard, but I explained that that meant he was learning something new, however he got upset on the 6th page and we had to leave it for the day. So again, not sure how much he got out of that.....
I printed off some progress sheets for each of them , so that they could keep track of what pages they have completed for each book, they were all pleased with being able to tick off their achievements.

Lynsey's' dad visited while they were doing work and he always likes to encourage them ;-)
He bought some colouring books for HRH and Luna and also some DVDs for each child (free ones from newspapers, all the sort the children enjoy)

I had a headache all day and was struggling to keep up the pace, so I decided to let the children watch extra TV whilst I sat with them (now there's a rare thing) and I had a good rest....
the children played on the Wii in the afternoon.
Lynsey's aunt came after dinner and gave us all a much needed hair trim....

Tuesday (today)
We met local friends at the field where the children all enjoy climbing trees and playing in the bushes and generally running around. We spent a pleasant 1 1/2 - 2 hours there and came home for lunch. Pal was so pleased with himself, as he managed to climb his very first tree, all by himself. He is so fearless!!!

Our friend called to say she was shopping close to us and wondered if it was OK for her to pop by with the children. (she has 2 girls 8, who get on well with Angel and Luna, a 10 Year boy who HRH gets on with and a 2 year old boy who plays with Pal, although today they tended to argue lots, due to them both not having enough nap time.

I managed to have a great chat and catch up with V (mom) She would love to HE but her DH is opposed to the idea, but she takes the children out of school once a month to attend the local HE group and comes along to the group if it falls within a school holiday. Tomorrow is HE group so hopefully she will be their. Tomorrow we are doing rag rugging...must remember the material scraps......

And here's a photo of Pal after he encouraged Angel to use the face paints!!!! FAB!!!